Lyrics:

Half the week, half the week at my place Half the week waking up to your face Ain’t it sweet to see your toothbrush on my sink? Come and go as you please; what will the neighbors think? Kick off your dancing shoes Put up your feet Come and play house with me Half the week Half the week, other half at your place I’m off to work, been wearing your shirt three days straight Ain’t it sweet how this feels just like new? Call in sick and we can sleep in ‘til noon Kick off your dancing shoes Put up your feet Come and play house with me Half the week Kick off your dancing shoes Put up your feet Come and play house with me, Come and go as you please, We’ll feign domesticity Half the week

Lyrics:

You make me swoon, when you cross the room, my lips quiver, and I drool on you, you make me swoon, when you cross the room, my heart faints for you, it's true, oh fainting is dainty, as any boy can tell, but if falling in love is sissy, then call me a daffodil, you make me swoon, when you cross the room, my heart faints for you, You make me swoon, when you cross the room, my lips quiver, and I drool on you, you make me swoon, when you cross the room, my heart faints for you, you make me swoon

Lyrics:

Keep your bodice laced up, lovely dear. We know not to raise suspicion while my wife is here. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving. Oh, keep your painted fingers off my suit. We know not to drown each other in disrepute. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving. Oh, I know that your heart is pumping blood to your special something. Honey, my blood is pumping too. I know that your mind is running, girl, there'll be time for loving soon. Honey, soon. But for now, keep your arms and elbows to yourself, I'm known as a gentleman of utmost moral health. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving. Oh, Keep your bodice laced up, lovely dear. We know not to raise suspicion while my wife is here. Oh honey, there'll be a time for loving, oh, there'll be a time for loving.

Lyrics:

My love for you is like the square root of two. That's a nerdy way to flirt, oh buddy it's true. Because if you write that number straight out to the umpteenth decimal place, you notice that it don't repeat and it never terminates. My affection's never ending, every day is new. My love is like the square root of two, written as a decimal, my love is like the square root of two. My love for you is like the square root of two. That's a dorky way to court, oh buddy it's true. My fondness isn't fractional, in fact, it's irrational, that is if we're speaking terms strictly mathemagical. Oh, fetch me a blackbow, I'll sketch you the proof, that my love is like the square root of two, written as a decimal, my love is like the square root of two. Oh, baby, I know you're not much for numbers, but maybe you can make an exception and we can be lovers. My affection's never ending, every day is new. That's how my love is like the square root of two. Oh, fetch me a blackbow, I'll sketch you the proof, that my love is like the square root of- My affection's never ending, every day is new, that's how my love is like the square root of two, written as a decimal, my love is like the square root of two. Oh, baby now, my love is like the square root of two.

Lyrics:

Love gives sight to the sightless, but I must confess, since I've fell for you, darling, it's had the opposite effect. I used to howl at the ladies, I'd say "Come here baby, and bring your sister." But now in my street in Queens there's just one girl for me from Jamaica to the East River. Oh the jewel of 45th Avenue. The award, by default, it goes to you. 'Cause mile after mile, I've strolled the boulevard entire, and I've not noticed another woman walking there, it's true. And they could build a nunnery, a sorority, a women's prison. I'd be blind to the occupants, I've made my decision. The jewel of 45th Avenue, my love, the award belongs to you. Yes, they could build a nunnery, a sorority, a women's prison. I'd be blind to the occupants, I've made my decision. The jewel of 45th Avenue, my love, the award, my love, the award, my love, the award belongs to you.

Lyrics:

Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know 'cause I'm so sloppy drunk, and nobody likes me (wah) Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know 'cause I'm so sloppy drunk. I declare that I never do it again because my wife's the deep tolling type and she swears she'll leave me if ever again. I'm sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, oh nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) sloppy drunk, and nobody likes him (wah) Sloppy drunk, sloppy drunk, oh nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. Oh I declare that I never do it again because I'm at the doorstep just like she warned me, she changed the lock so I'll have to change the key. Sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) sloppy drunk, and nobody likes me (wah) Sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), sloppy drunk (sloppy drunk), nobody likes you when you're sloppy drunk. I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) I know (he knows) 'cause I'm so ('cause he's so) sloppy drunk.

Lyrics:

The boys are blue, and ladies hiss every time I give my girl a kiss. 'Cuz they all know, when we go by that my baby's off my market and so am I. My girl is high class, she dresses nice. But she gives me her loving at a discount price. Though she has offers from foreign wire, my baby's off the market and so am I. But according to the laws of supply and demand, this baby oughtta be walkin' with a wealthy man. But you can go down to the graveyard and tell Adam Smith (who's that?) that his laws of economics don't talk when they kiss. The boys are blue, I'll tell you why. It's 'cuz my baby's off the market and so am I. I met a fella, he tried his luck. Said he'd buy my baby, four million bucks. I told him no, sir. He began to cry, say my baby's off the market and so am I. The boys are blue (boys are blue), and ladies hiss (ladies hiss) every time (every time) I give my girl a kiss (girl a kiss). 'Cuz they all know (they all know), when we go by (we go by) that my baby's off my market and so am I. The boys are blue, and ladies hiss every time I give my girl a kiss. 'Cuz they all know, when we go by that my baby's off my market, my baby's off the market, my baby's off the market and so am...

Lyrics:

Let me tell you all a story with my run in with the law/ I was once picked out for roudiness outside my favorite bar/ But before they could arest me, and ruin my good name/ I said come here kind policeman, and hear what I've to say/ I said "Hey Officer, can I make you an offer sir?"/ I'll sing a lovesong, dedicated to you/ Well anyone can tell, that this charge your duty as well/ so how 'bout I just charge a number dedicated to you/ Oh I do the little things, right here on the sidewalk, take your nightstick in my hands and show you how a pistol's got to be a sport/ you can put it in your report/ that I sang a lovesong dedicated to you/ what's that you say? this won't do?/ would you prefer a little blues/ Oh oh oh oh oh oh/ Hey officer, did you like my offer sir?/ When I sang a lovesong dedicated to you/ Don't tell me "no!"/ I saw you tapping your toes/ when I sang a lovesong dedicated to you/ I did the little things no lawman can resist/ don't suck up poor romance, take these handcuffs off my wrist/ Hey officer, why are you putting me in the car sir?/ Didn't like it when I sang a lovesong, dedicated to you/ (dialogue between singer and officer)

Lyrics:

(scatting) My girl, she's ill tempered and collicky. But I didn't win her through tenderness or frolicking. Some girls dream of moonlit dinners and weddings by the shore. I give my girl one thing, and nothing more. And that's heavy petting, heavy petting. Oh, when I'm near that's what all the girls are getting. Oh, a tender little rub never made anybody fall in love, but with heavy petting, she'll be wetting her lips for a kiss with you. My girl's got skin as tough as leather, but it softens each night when we're together. Oh, it takes more than some gentle kissing and a soft caress. I've a secret strategy, I'll never confess. Okay, it's heavy petting, yes, heavy petting. When I'm near, that's what all the girls are getting. Oh, a tender little rub never made anybody fall in love, but with heavy petting, she'll be wetting her lips for a kiss with you. Heavy petting (heavy petting), heavy petting (heavy petting). When I'm near, that's what all you girls are getting. Oh a tender little rub never made anybody fall in love. But with heavy petting she'll be wetting her lips for a kiss with you.

Lyrics:

I'm with love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl, Oh she takes her mallets knocks my ball, When she hits me through the wickets I don't mind at all, Knock me where you want me, all around the world, I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl, Ahhhh never feel so gay, as when she takes me by the hand, and says honey let's croquet, knock me where you want me, all around the world, I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet playing girl, oh when she puts her wickets in my lawn/ when she beats me mercilessly oh it turns me on/ when she swings her mallets, all her muscles curve/ I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl/ Ahhhh never feel so gay/ As when she takes me by the hand, and says "honey, let's croquet"/ When she swings her mallets all her muscles curl/ I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl/ Oh I'm in love yes I'm in love with a croquet-playing girl